A Plea..

[jennythereader]

I really would like some feedback on my latest poem.

Defining Home

I'm not quite satisfied with it, but can't figure out where it needs improvement.

If anyone out there has suggestions, I'd love to hear them.

Comments

[gwenlianna.livejournal.com]

I'd love to give you constructive criticism about this poem, but I can't yet.
Each time I read it I get sucked into the story and the history and lose track of the structure.

[jennythe-reader.livejournal.com]

I think that might be part of the problem. There really isn't a coherent structure. Maybe I should figure out a rhyme scheme or at least a regular rhythm for it.