Sort of conflicted

[jennythereader]

I go in for my Attention Deficit Disorder testing tonight.

I'm really not sure what result I'm hoping for.

If I come up positive, that means I have an explanation for why I haven't been able to put my talents and gifts to better use over the years and maybe a way to do something about it. But it also means that my brain, the part of myself I've always been most proud of, has something intrinsically wrong with the way it functions.

On the other hand, if the results are negative it's proof that my brain isn't broken (that way at least). Instead, it leaves me as just a general screw-up.

Comments

[cypherindigo.livejournal.com]

"But it also means that my brain, the part of myself I've always been most proud of, has something intrinsically wrong with the way it functions."

NO!!!! It means your brain is wired differently, probably as a survival mechanism that is no longer needed in "modern living". It may also mean that you were never taught to focus properly for the way your mind works.

To be fair neigher was I so every day is a learning process.

Remember, sometimes the Squirrel is trying to tell you something you need to know.

[nounsandverbs]

This. No part of you is "broken" no matter what the result.

[stefka.livejournal.com]

Regardless of how the test turns out, it will provide you with something useful. Either a positive diagnosis, and some tools for managing it, or a negative diagnosis, and confirmation that your thought process simply differs from that of the majority. And maybe some tools for that, too.

If the test is positive, that does not mean there is something wrong with your brain. If the test is negative, that does not mean that you are a "general screw up."

One oddity among our circle of friends is that we are, all of us, "outliers" in a great many ways. To be different, we are told, is bad. Take a look at who's saying so, before you take them seriously.

You rock, no matter how the test comes out.

[purpura.livejournal.com]

What he said.

Seriously, your looking for ways to learn better, and this is a step to do so. If the answer isn't this, you'll look for other answers.

[dulcinbradbury.livejournal.com]

Yes to all of that.

[11th-letter.livejournal.com]

I concur with my esteemed colleagues that ADD is not 'brokeness'...it is a way the human brain processes sometimes. Must have been beneficial in some way at some time, or it would not exist. It seems that the nature of it does not adapt people ideally to modern times may very well be the fault of the times, and not the other way around.
In any case, fix the problem, not the blame. Thanks to those self-same modern times, the tools are available to do so.

[tehuti.livejournal.com]

"But it also means that my brain, the part of myself I've always been most proud of, has something intrinsically wrong with the way it functions."

NO.

Our brains work differently. But we are not defective. NEVER think that about yourself or your brain.

ADHD/ADD is a royal pain in the ass sometimes. It is the root cause of many of the relationship problems I've experienced in life. It's held me back in the private sector, even cost me jobs. But it is also a blessing. Being able to tune out the world easily, to give something my complete attention, to the point that nothing interferes, is a wonderful talent. My brain is always jumping from topic to topic, idea to idea, making connections between things that wouldn't seem to be related at first glance. My insatiable curiosity is fueled by my ADD. I have to know as much about as many things as I can! RIGHT NAO! ALL THE THINGS!!

It wasn't easy to learn how to cope with my brain and how it works. But every year, I get a little better at it. You will, too. Especially now that you know for sure (I read the other post already). You can learn how to manage your brain better. Learn ways to cope when it's annoying. Learn how to help friends and family better understand what it's like in your head, learn how to explain it better.

Being ADHD/ADD isn't easy. But if someone said I could take a pill, do something magical, etc., and make my ADD go away, I would turn it down. As difficult as it is sometimes, I truly love the way my brain works. I wouldn't want to be any other way.

[siderea]

Heh, well said. You've beautifully and succinctly captured the "damned if you do, damned if you don't" situation in a lot of mental health diagnosis.