One Half Buddhist, One Half Christian, One Half Pagan

I posted this on Facebook yesterday, and figured I should probably put it here, too. Sorry if you see it more than once.

If my bathroom scale is to be believed, I've lost 25 pounds since I started tracking in mid-August. I haven't been talking about it much, because almost nothing bores me more than diet/exercise/weight talk, but this seemed like a milestone worth noting.

I completely credit it to starting medication for my ADD, in two main ways: 1) Almost immediately after starting on meds back in May I was able to finally break several bad eating habits I'd been trying to stop for years. 2) Appetite suppression is a known side effect of stimulants. Combined, these have meant I've cut way down on my mindless snacking. I've also had an easier time planning ahead so that I can make smart food choices rather than defaulting to whatever is easiest.

I had my first appointment with the new psych practice yesterday afternoon.

The nurse practitioner had me fill out a couple of self assessment forms, talked to me for about half an hour, and then wrote me a prescription for Adderall XR.

I took my first dose this morning. It's a little early to really comment, but so far there are a few promising signs. I tried a trick I'd seen on a ADD blog, and took my pill when my first alarm (7:20) went off, then rolled over and went back to sleep until my second alarm (7:35) rang. I only hit snooze twice, unlike most mornings when I hit it 4 or 5 times at least. I didn't dawdle in the shower as much as I usually do, and I didn't get sucked into doing 5 zillion things on my computer when I went to unplug my iPod.

All of that meant I made it to work less than 5 mintues late. I might even have been early if I hadn't hit the drive through for breakfast.

Work itself is feeling more manageable than usual. The conversations in the rest of the room aren't nearly as irritating as normal, at least. I'll be able to report better on that at the end of the day.

I think I'm under-caffineated today. My brain feels like it's bouncing around in my head, and I want to GO DO SOMETHING! Anything!

Gah.

I have my next ADHD appointment on Monday, and with any luck it will end up with me actually getting treated.

Doctor's appointment this morning went reasonably well.

The bloodwork that they did at the last visit came back mostly good (my LDL cholesterol is a little high) and nothing else seems to be a problem.

But...

They won't prescribe meds for ADD. I understand, since it's not something they specialize in. Finding the right type of medication(s) can take months of experimentation per patient. They recommended a practice to get in touch that can give me counseling and med management all in one place. I think that will work pretty well.

There's just one thing I don't get. Why didn't they tell me they couldn't give me meds themselves 2 months ago, when I first asked them about it? If they had given me the contact info for this other practice back then I'd probably have started some sort of medication already. Oh, well. It's an annoyance, but not a disaster.

I'm not making any progress on the ADD treatment front.

The appointment that's the next step in getting medicated won't be happening for another 3 weeks. I have no idea if we'll start trying things then, or if that will be a totally seperate appointment.

I have been going to counseling every 2 weeks. That's... Well, I don't really know how to describe how that's going. I'm not really relaxing with the counselor, and am still having a really hard time talking to her about anything that isn't relatively superficial. The other problem is that the advice she's giving about how to move forward in life isn't really any different from what people have always been telling me. Which means that it isn't really any more acheiveable than has been in the past.

My current plan is to give her until I've been on (more or less) effective meds for a month. If I still don't feel like the connection has gelled by then, I'll start looking for someone else to talk to.

My dentist visit yesterday convinced me to give breaking the soda habit another try.

This morning I got diet soda instead of regular.

So all day I've been sipping on a diet cola. And all day I've been feeling more and more... antsy. Twitchy and unsettled, for no particular reason.

Then I vaguely remember reading a study somewhere (and of course I can't find it again), suggesting there's a connection between the "hyperactive" part of ADHD and artificial sweeteners.

Oh.

I guess I really do need to develop a taste for coffee.

I saw the nurse practioner at my PCP's office today. This was supposed to end with me getting a prescription for ADHD meds.

Instead, I learned that my counselor's letter had not yet gotten to my doctor's office. And without that, the NP wasn't willing to prescribe anything. I understand this, but it was annoying.

It was also annoying that she didn't seem to believe that I could have an attention disorder that was bad enough to need meds. After all, I'd managed to graduate high school and to hold down a full time job. I didn't get the impression she knew much about ADHD in women or in adults.

They also took a few vials of blood for thyroid and other tests, which I wasn't expecting. I'm feeling a tiny bit loopy.

When I was being evaluated for ADHD last week the counselor kept asking me about anxiety. I told her I didn't really think I had a problem with anxiety.

Later though it occurred to me that could be a question of perception. If anxiety is a constant state for me, would I even really be aware of it? I know I'm usually fairly tense, but what I don't know is if I'm unusually tense.

Is the fish aware of the water it's swimming in?

I just opened up Google calendar to add something to my task list.

Before I typed it in, I noticed that one of the other things on the list needed to be re-phrased. By the time I did that I'd forgotten what it was that I wanted to add to the list in the first place.

Why, exactly, did nobody realize I had ADHD until now?

I have officially been diagnosed with ADHD, predominantly inattentive type.

The therapist who diagnosed me does not prescribe medication, so I'll be talking to my regular doctor about that. I'll also continue talking to a counselor on a regular basis.