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jennythereaderThis was inspired by the "rooms you've never left" posts done on several people's journals recently, including ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
nounsandverbs.
Parts of me are still...
10 years old - sitting on the living room couch with my brothers, listening to Mom & Dad tell us they were separating.
12 years old - showing Mom the magazine that had published one of my poems, only to have her freak because Dad's new girlfriend was one of the editors. I left the house in tears and walked for what felt like hours, she drove to Dad's house and wreaked stuff.
13 years old - breaking down in tears after reading a poem about my just-deceased grandfather to the class... and having my classmates laugh at me.
13 years old - watching that horrible movie at my cousin's church, never really being able to feel un-conflicted about Christianity again.
15 years old - In english class, reciting a poem about how isolated I felt, and seeing a look in some of my classmates eyes made me realize that they hadn't really understood what they were doing to me all those years. Long term, things didn't change much, but for a little while they were better.
17 years old - sitting backstage after a play rehearsal, talking about how I "knew I wasn't very love-able, and didn't really expect to ever meet someone." Alicia signing my yearbook a few weeks later with reassuring words that I would. She was right, and sometimes that still suprises me.
There are other moments that are still with me, but these are the ones that are lodged so deeply that I think they will still be affecting me until the day I die.
nounsandverbs.Parts of me are still...
10 years old - sitting on the living room couch with my brothers, listening to Mom & Dad tell us they were separating.
12 years old - showing Mom the magazine that had published one of my poems, only to have her freak because Dad's new girlfriend was one of the editors. I left the house in tears and walked for what felt like hours, she drove to Dad's house and wreaked stuff.
13 years old - breaking down in tears after reading a poem about my just-deceased grandfather to the class... and having my classmates laugh at me.
13 years old - watching that horrible movie at my cousin's church, never really being able to feel un-conflicted about Christianity again.
15 years old - In english class, reciting a poem about how isolated I felt, and seeing a look in some of my classmates eyes made me realize that they hadn't really understood what they were doing to me all those years. Long term, things didn't change much, but for a little while they were better.
17 years old - sitting backstage after a play rehearsal, talking about how I "knew I wasn't very love-able, and didn't really expect to ever meet someone." Alicia signing my yearbook a few weeks later with reassuring words that I would. She was right, and sometimes that still suprises me.
There are other moments that are still with me, but these are the ones that are lodged so deeply that I think they will still be affecting me until the day I die.
